More lomography

The moment My very few readers have been waiting for: more pictures from my Lc-a. I now have 10 rolls of 35 mm and 3 rolls of 120 from my Holga, resulting in 200 photos uploaded to flickr (the link is somewhere to the right...) I maxed out my flickr account in one day, and now I need a pro account. But I'll wait until I need it. In the mean time, look here, or check out my flickr. If you stop by my Flickr, please leave a comment and let me know what you think.






this is Barnes and Noble at Power Plant in Baltimore.









I love this shot. one of my favorites. Dont they look peaceful?






just another one of those shots that I couldnt have done on purpose! I love those. this was taken during the month or so in which my film became jammed and I could not get it to advance. The majority of the exposures were washed out, but the ones that were not damaged were worth it!







My dad's birthday


















how sad is this?













Baltimore, new years eve 2008












My macaroni is on fire!










Nothing better than catching random, unsuspecting business men as they walk across the street!

Flacco happy!

Yes, my dear readers, I am a RAVENS FAN. And not the fair weather type, either. I am proud to say that I watched every single game last season, in spite of the horrors that befell the team.

but there is a light on the horizon this season, and he is the rookie from Delaware, Joe Flacco.

Now, im not one for stats, which is good, because, as so many sports casters have noted, he isnt flying above every other QB who played today, but he is doing well, he is improving every game, and he shows immense promise.

the best thing is that, compared to Kyle Boller, he is brilliant.

At first, i was worried about flacco having to play so much this early in his career, but after watching him play, i realize that he is not another boller. kyle bombed as far as the ravens are concerned, and everyone, myself included, said it was because he was put in too early and ruined before he had a chance to develop, but now i realize that he just wasnt what we wanted him to be.

flacco is laid back and unshakable, so far. he is calm and collected, and i noted at one point in the day that he looks almost like eli manning from afar, the way he approaches problems, and solves them without panicking or causing any sort of major problem.

Chris McAllister called him a turtle, said he just plods along. and it seems true. he doesnt get worked up to the point of freezing with the ball in his hands until someone sacks him (i called boller "sticky fingers") and he doesnt freak out until he throws away a ball that could have made it to the endzone. (another boller problem)

after having such a hard time with QBs, i am finally confident.

not to mention the way he was protected during the game today. the offensive line was put together, not a scattered bunch of bulls like the one last year. of course it helps that there are fewer injured players this season, but overall, they are working together and doing what they are supposed to do: protect the QB. nothing was worse than watching boller actually try to play well and be knocked into because of a collapsed pocket. the team seems to like flacco, and therefore they trust him and protect him. a qb cant throw a ball if he has the other team jumping all over him.


now, if we can just get heap up to par. watching him fumble and then not complete a pretty easy pass, and then lay on the field in pain today made me sad.

i dont know what to think about him. like troy said, (my troy, not troy smith) he is still really young, and shouldnt be worried about anything, but the truth is he was out most of last season with injuries, and didnt play in training camp or pre season, and now he does poorly (by his standards) on his first game back. what does this mean? poor conditioning and training due to injuries, let him get back into the game and he will be fine? or is it a bad sign?

taking the worst case scenario in mind, if todd is going to be injured and unable to perform, i would rather he retire early. i dont want to see him go out amidst humiliation. he should be allowed to retire the way that brett favre should have retired.

and dont even get me started on him. i have lost all interest and respect for him and his current media circus.


long story short: i have hope for this season, and dont want to hear any complaints from the other fans if flacco doenst perform perfectly. i hope for the best, and really, im just glad to have football season back!!!

Pasta, of all things

I have been developing a deep disgust for my fellow humans. Perhaps "countrymen" would fit better than "humans" as I am sure that the people for whom I feel the most disdain are primarily Americans.

Americans love to eat. But we dont just eat the way other people from other countries do: we eat in excess! we cant just order one meal and be happy, we have to get as much as we possibly can for our dollar. How dare we stereotype other nationalities and call them cheap or swindlers when we try to cram as much in our wallets and mouths as we possibly can.

a direct representation of this is the "Never Ending Pasta Bowl" at the Olive Garden. disgusting. for $8.95, a single person can get endless pasta, bread, and choice of endless soup or salad. thats fine, especially since the price is so low, but it just is not enough for the Americans.

Endless pasta: people literally sit and eat bowl after bowl after bowl of pasta. I am surprised that people dont regularly die of carb-shock! and as if bowl after bowl of penne, or linguine, or angelhair is not enough, add the sauce: alfredo, meat sauce, five cheese marinara! did you know that eating one portion of Olive Garden alfredo sauce is like drinking a pint of heavy cream? its true. but dont tell the corporate office I told you.

so we have the endless pasta. that should be plenty to fill up any person. It is endless.

but, that obviously isnt enough, so first they have to cram themselves with endless soup or salad. So many people ask me: "the never ending pasta comes with endless salad, right?" as if, if the salad was not included, they would not order the pasta. is it that important to have endless salad with endless pasta? and god forbid the garlic bread does not come out constantly.

how do these people eat so much?

and then complain about McDonalds having such calorie loaded food!!!

You can probably eat five Big Macs for the caloric intake of the five cheese ziti at Olive Garden. I'm serious.

so my new complex is this: I cannot watch people eat without feeling queasy. It is fine if i am sitting down in the resturant and eating and am able to ignore the people around me, but as a server, watching the guests mindlessly stuff themeselves into a food-induced coma disgusts me.

Have you ever seen Casper, the one with Christina Ricci? the scene where the three ghosts are eating breakfast and all of the food is just falling on the floor...thats what i imagine when i am at work and serve people their food. it literally makes me sick.

and the bicker over the smallest price change. the Never Ending Pasta Bowl, like i said, costs 8.95. that is almost $1 more than a lunch portion of pasta. yet people complain that it is expensive! how, i ask you, is endless amounts of pasta, 75 bowls of pasta, if you wish, expensive at $9? how can people take themselves that seriously?

and then there is the lack of manners. We consider ourselves advanced, ahead of other countries, yet we have no table manners. NONE. we shout at the table, answer cell phones in the middle of dinner, allow our children to literally throw food in resturants, much less run around the resturant and then get upset when the server trips on the little brat and spills hot food on them.

and we chew with our mouth open, stuff our mouths till food is over flowing down our chin. then we speak to the server (who we treat like a dog and snap our fingers at) with full mouths. heres a news flash, america: most servers are college students, or college graduates trying to get a new job. I.E. they probably have a higher degree than you do and are usually smarter than you. dont treat them like infants.

i need to get out of the resturant industry. hopefully I'll get a call back from one of my applications soon. the food service industry depresses me.

summer is over

well, summer is over, and while i dont have to go back to school because of that beautiful milestone we call "graduation" I still have a feeling of lost time. I think i wasted my summer. I am not sure yet what happens after summer when there is no school. It is uncharted territory. I have never had school-less post-summer activities.

maybe i should just start doing things that i put off doing all summer. perhaps, if i continue to allow my time to waste away, the rest of my life will turn into a wasted summer.

i have a new appreciation for the usefulness of school.

even if the work is boring or useless in itself, it is still soemthing that is to be done, and the assignments and subsequent deadlines are helpful.

so, since i didnt do half of what i wanted to do this summer, here are the ten things i wanted to do, and will try to do, even though it is no longer summer:

actually...lets be more optimistic. i'll start with things that i feel that i have accomplished, and then move on to what i want to do:

accomplished this summer:
1. decided to get married. picked the venue, colors, flowers, theme, ect.
2. re-upholstered a chair, my first experiment in re-upholstering. success.
3. wrote a single poem.
4. blogged. not alot, but enough to constitute having blogged.
5. went on many job interviews.
6. applied for countless jobs.
7. read a few books.
8. made a purse...that i am going to send to Heather because she likes it.
9. did some fun kitchen-type experiments.
10. played tennis and exercised. lost some weight

now, that isnt very reassuring, but here are the things i should have done, and will try to do:
1. get a job. successfully. and therefore make money.
2. paint some stuff. like canvases. why have i not painted this summer?
3. write something else. anything. story, poem, something.
4. read more.
5. keep a doodle blog. i am starting it today.
6. try linolium printing.
7. be more active, i.e. be more consistent with tennis and walks. even jog? maybe?
8. go to a concert soon. the lack of music is disheartening.
9. actually get married, move into new place, and start that whole aspect of life.
10. cook more.

there. now there are lists, that means everything will be easier, right? self-help books always say "start with a list" but i disagree. lists are a waste of time. you spend so much time making the list that you never check things off.

but they make me feel better. if nothing else, i have accomplished the list part of the activity.

I have begun to have a written pen-pal. a friend of mine moved to Chicago last week, and we have decided to actually try to keep in touch with that archaic method: snail mail. what a brilliant idea for a back formation. we never needed "snail mail" until "email" was invented. remember when "email" had a hyphen? been a while, hasnt it? remember when the "i" in apple products stood for "internet"? who would have thought that the internet would literally take over the world?

anyway, so I wrote my first letter to Heather (chicago chick) today. and i was suprised at how strange it felt to not have things like "delete/backspace" and a spell checker. I am a big advocate for writing things out before typing. even my papers in school were all written by hand before i typed them. i believe that the thought process is different, and that by combining writing with typing, you get the benefit of both processes. but mos of those written papers were just drafts, so i never had to worry about anyone else reading them. i always fell back on spell check and the ability to easily delete. i need to write more by hand. such an odious task...since when has writing become a chore to me?

a room with a view

"it all was a nothing, and a man was a nothing too"

I have had so much trouble reading this summer. I cant decide if it is because my body is still burnt out from school, or if it has something to do with my lack of health insurance and need for new glasses. at any rate, I have tried again and again to read the books that i have been waiting my entire college life to read, but have never had the time to read. i had big plans: read all of those books i have never been able to find the time for, like farewell to arms, catch22, the brothers karamazov, and many others. ive tried everything. i started some grimms fairytales, and couldnt get through more than one, i even tried to re-read some of my favorite jane austen books, and couldnt do it. when, in my life, have i not been able to read sense and sensability and enjoy it?

so what has happened is one of those strange instances in which i feel as though i have read more books than i actually have. i am a very well-read individial, having covered many of the philosophers, most of the victorian classics, as well as a great deal of the romantics, and even modern, post modern, and contemporaries. but now, after picking up one book, reading the first two pages, forgetting about it, and doing the same thing to a new book the following week, i now have the "did i already read this" syndrome.

there is something to be said about the first line, and subsequent first page of a story. it is the deciding factor, really, when choosing a book to read. if the first line does not grab the reader, the story will not be read (unless it is for school, and god knows how many bad first lines i have read just because it was in a book required by some horriffic professor for some painful class)

the first line is a "so what" of sorts, the reader gets the chance, right at the beginning, to demand of the writer: "why should i spend my time on this? is it even worth it?" and if the author does not provide a satisfactory answer, the reader has the choice to give up and use the book as a place holder on a dusty book shelf until it eventually makes it into the goodwill pile next month.

all of that is beside the point, though. my point right now is that, while i cannot remember ever reading A room with a view, I am having trouble believing myself. i recognize the opening scene. have i read it, or was it a one-page read that was abandoned for some valid reason? did i have to put it down to make time for required reading? did i just not feel up to it at the time? did i abhor it after those significant first lines?


or did i actually read it, and will i remember the whole plot half-way through and be frustrated, but still feel the need to finish it anyway?

and Jane Eyre, why can I never remember how it ends? i know i have read it multiple times, yet i do not remember the ending....i never do, not until i get to the last page, time and time again.

i need to start keeping notes. why did i stop writing in my novels?


oh, because i'm slightly obsessive compulsive when it comes to my books. thats right.

well, on this recent read, the first few lines were pleasing, and have left me with a bit of curiosity, so i am going to give the book another try. it better put out. or at least put me to sleep.

i feel like i am constantly catching up with my blog...

after years, literally like five years, of searching for my best friend that i lost contact with, I finally found her. thank the internet gods for myspace. i hate myspace, but i must admit that it has its uses every now and again. she called me tonight, and we spoke over the phone until my phone died and shut off!!! and it was just like old times! no strange awkwardness, no stuttering, no problems. awesome!

by the by, it is freezing cold in maryland today. and by freezing cold, i mean that in the middle of august i wore a hoodie at noon today and was still cold. fyi: maryland augusts are usually mid 90s to 100 degrees on average. it reached a high of 61 degrees near my house today. maybe al gore is right. the environment is angry at us. i would like to personally thank the environment for making the day so beautiful. a rare break in summer heat is always welcomed, though i must express my fear of the coming fall and winter...


in other news, I am planning a wedding reception. because my mother has religious views that are not quite my own, troy and I have decided in a not-yet-engaged way to start planning our wedding. we are going to fly to the dominican republic and have a private ceremony on the beach, and then have a reception at home. lots of money. more money than i care to think about. it is turning out to be expensive because, incase you were not aware of it, Maryland is the "richest" state in the country, and therefore our cost of living is outrageous. a wedding venue that would cost 3,000 in, say, tennessee, would cost 7,000 anywhere in maryland. sucks. and since i am having my dream wedding on a beach, i feel the need to cut corners on the reception. and its not like i am an extravagant person. (you, reader, obviously read my blog, you can probably tell how un-extravagant i am) i like simple and elegant, not expensive and over-done.

I have always wanted a huge wedding, ever since i was a little girl (what little girl doesnt?) but now that i am finally at that point in my life, i find that big parties are not my style. i want to make my own invitations from scratch, and have brilliant ideas about centerpieces and flower arrangements. i guess personalization is better than extravagance. stay tuned for the next few months for pictures of my wedding crafts.

in the mean time, i have a job interview next friday. im not gonna say where, but the job, if i get it, will involve just the right amount of money to make this whole wedding thing a bit easier. I am nervous. it is with one of those companies that one cant help but be nervous about. this is the shot, if i dont get this one, i feel like i'll never get a job. but that is negative thinking, so lets move onto something more positive.

i am having a creativity freeze lately. i think wedding research has taken all of my life over. makes me glad i dont have a good job at this point...at least i have lots of free time to do the leg work that i would otherwise have to fit into my day. with all of the time and research and stress and what not that i am putting into my wedding planning, i am getting nowhere with paint or writing. (thus the lack of blogging) so i am going to try to write something later. i did manage a poem a few weeks ago. it isnt the best, and it is only rough draft material right now, but here it is for your reading pleasure. i will leave you with the poem and an empty promise that i will blog again soon.



Sticky, crust-rimmed morning
7/6/08


Fog,
like the Specter of dwindling dreams,
is hovering

just beyond my window.
Every yawn prods it
further and farther
from my reach,
Unrolling fields and trees
and roads and buildings
and cities and oceans and
every mundane chore of the day.

hope

i was watching hopkins with troy tonight, and in light of recent events in my sphere of life, I was particularly struck by tonights episode.

first, a shameless plug for the show: "Hopkins" is not a reality tv show, it is actually a documentary about real patients and real doctors and about one of the best, most well-known hospitals in the world. all of the drama is real, it is real life and death, no producers stirring up trouble by putting a black gay guy and white supremacist in a hotel room together. it is one of the few things on television that i actually respect. (that is not to say that i dislike everything on television, we all know how i feel about scrubs..and south park.... but i actually respect hopkins as a representation of what is actually important in life, and not as a form of entertainment.)

thats out of the way....

on tonights episode, a young girl, 9 or so, fell into a pool at a party, and almost drowned. the poor thing lost the majority of her brain fuction, and dr. carson...yes THE dr. carson (who is a seventh day adventist, btw. how do we feel about that?) told the parents that she was not quite brain dead, but that she would never resume normal function or live off of life support.

the parents replied (understandably) that they could not take her off of life support because they dont want to murder their daughter. my problem is this: where have we come up with the idea that by taking someone off of life support, that we are killing them? what if there had been no life support? the first and most vital function of the brain is to keep the body working. if the brain cannot do that, then the body should die. that is nature, that is how our bodies are designed. now, i understand the parent's feelings, i really do. i know i would feel the same way, to a certain extent. especially with a child's life being at stake. but why do we feel that pulling that plug is playing god? is it any more playing god than taking a heart from a dead person and making another person live with it? is it any different than performing cpr?

the poor little girl eventually became completely brain dead, and was taken off of the support, and i feel that is probably the best for all parties involved. but will the parents feel inadequate for the rest of their lives because they "let" her die?

i guess it all comes down to control. we cannot control the weather, but we try to control everything else.



right now, i am worried about a friend of mine. we have no way of knowing yet how severe his brain damage will be. he just woke up from a 3-week coma. he is 21, and the strongest, most stubborn person i know. it has played with my mind lately, wondering what a person is made to live through horrible circumstances for. in hospitals, they have phrases like broccoli...meaning that a person is in a persistant vegitative state. not to say that my friend will end up like that, but for those millions of people on the planet who are in that state, why? in past eras, those people would have died a natural, death, not hung on through tons of money and painful surgery and life support. where is the line between person and body? is it right to keep a person alive if we know they could never survive without the respiratior, or without the constant care of a person?

how much of it is keeping our own conscience clean? how much is it the doctors who get a pay check from insurance companies and reposessed houses that used to belong to these people?

and the real questions:

how much would i want to be sustained through? would i want my loved ones to suffer a short time for losing me, or would i rather they spend all of their time and money in a hospital room with me even if i dont know they are there?

i dont believe that these questions have a right or wrong answer, but, like everything else, they tear my mind assunder when they actually break the surface and float among my other fears and worry.

on a more positive note, i am hopeful. i am also glad that there are so many things to be happy about that even the most tragic and terrible events only last long enough to make me think and therefore improve myself through introspection. is that selfish? no, i think its how life is supposed to be. of we were all supposed to feel every ounce of suffering and injustice all the time, we would know nothing but pain. and there is so much more to life than pain, or at least i like to think there is.


i have a new appreciation for those people i do not see enough of.

the answer, my friend...

I FINALLY have my degree. UB took entirely too long to get things sorted out, but i picked up the actual certificate yesterday, and it is much smaller than i expected. i'm pretty excited to have it, though, regardless of size.

some observations:

there really is no reason for the MVA to make so much money on tags and licenses and what not! 120$ is a little outrageous! i am sick of "the man" taking advantage of people where they have no choices. for example: movie prices can go up because people have the ability to choose whether or not to see a movie, same thing with things like furniture and high-end cars. but to raise the price on things like clothes and food is ridiculous. the basic things needed to sustain human life should be avaliable to all human beings. like health care. how can a doctor charge over $400 for a hospital visit in which they spent a total of 10 minutes in the patient's room? (can you tell that this is personal now?) health care should be free, but the problem is that the majority of people who have the ability to make a difference in the fight for universal health care do not care.

think about it. the people who have health care and have always had it are worried that by giving everyone else healthcare, they will have to wait for treatment, and will have to share their doctors and hospitals and oncology labs and mri machines with the population as a whole. why would they want that? why add lines and waiting lists when they already have it fine.

take away their health insurance, let them suffer for a while, and see what they think.

i used to not care. i was as ignorant of the whole problem and exactly how big it is until, as a full time student living with my parents, my insurance provider sent me a letter 5 months after my birthday telling me that my insurance had already been cancelled without my knowing it.

i wonder when i drive now, what if i get into a major accident? is it possible to be in a coma and refuse an air-lift? what if i have a terminal illness right now, but because i have no health care, i have no way of finding out.

i am not a paranoid person by nature, but while i search for a job, i have to worry. every little ache and pain and symptom suddenly blows out of proportion and into cancer, typhoid, tb, pancreitis, appendicitis, and staph. i felt nauseous a few days ago. sure, there is a virus going around that i cannot be diagnosed or treated for, but in my mind, it could be eboli.

we, the middle and upper class, look at the uninsured, lower class as lazy members of an infamously ignorant and uneducated whole: as a group of miscrients who could dig themselves out of their caste if they wanted to bad enough. but now i know that it is not true.

people are trapped by our systems. our education system, our healthcare system, our thought system. we have dug a hole that is just as big as the mass graves the nazis dug, and yet we blame the people that we have shoved into the hole.


how many times must a cannon ball fire?

lots going on in life

so I finally have job prospects. however, I cant say where. no, really, I cant. i'm not being mysterious.

anyway, it looks like it is going to be a long process, lots of interviews and phone calls, but totally worth it.

troy also seems to have some exciting job updates, things are finally looking up.

The Dark Knight came out today. I wanted to go to the midnight showing, but i got a little lazy and didnt get tickets early. but i'm seeing it tonight!!! I have been waiting for this for a year or two...maybe three? i dont remember what year the last one came out.

artscape tomorrow!!!! that means I need to get some film. I am determined to use up the last few shots on my holga and then retire it for a little while. 120 film is a little too expensive and annoying for my liking lately, so i am gonna stick with the lca.

we'll see.

some more lomo

So here they are. I have finally posted some more of my lomo pictures. these are all lc-a pics, i'll get some more holgas up later, but i must first confess that i have not been using my holga as much as i would like. 120 film is just to hard to work with without a dark room. not only is it more expensive than 35m, it is crazy expensive to process. i once spent 29$ on a roll that turned out completely black because they were night shots, and the lab person pushed them through and corrected them, and didnt let the machine process the tiny bits of light i had captured on purpose. not to mention all of the labs in my area are a pain in my ass.

so, like i said, holgaing shall wait.

in the mean time, these first pics are from gettysburg. living so close makes it a good place for some creepy pics. actually, i'll be heading to g-burg today!!! how exciting.









i honestly didnt expect this shot to turn out. its hard to get used to film after growing up in the age of didgital point and shoots. im not used to committing to a shot and waiting to process it before i know what works. so these are grave markers of the unknown bodies of soldiers.









how eerie? and yet beautiful. i love the white stones all around the perimeter of the grave yard. and i love, even more, how my lc-a picked up the green!!!!










here is troy :) the first night i got my lca. it was an accident. I had just put the film in, had no idea what was going on, and i captured a pretty ghastly pic of him playing with his camera.












a certain resivoir near home. believe it or not, the sun is the bright spot on the right. the one on the left is a rainbow and its reflection in the water!!! it looks like some result of the camera, but it is literally sun and rainbow. it was even more cool in person.





and a blurry xmas pic...it looks so 1980!











stay tuned. there are so many more. these are just a random few from the 8 rolls i already have scanned, out of the 15 or so that i have taken. i might reinstate flicker, just so i can use more space. google is stingy with its 1G of space across programs. I'm lately a lazy memeber of lomography.com, so maybe once i have my "lomohome" (who comes up with this stuff?) put together, I'll post a link. either way, i love showing my pics off, so i have to do something, right?